The 31 most ridiculous moments of the True Detective premiere

"It's so in love with its own self-seriousness that it forgets to tell a story, and by the midpoint of the episode, it had me rolling with its frequently glowering performances and pointlessly weighty dialogue. I've seen two more episodes that are both better than this one (if only marginally so), but this episode marks a new low point for the franchise. It's dumb, dumb, dumb.
But I could tell you that, over and over, for thousands of words, or I could just list the 31 most ridiculous moments of the premiere. I think I'll do the latter."
The 31 most ridiculous moments of the True Detective premiere - Vox: